People say True Love isn't real. Or, they say you can't experience it until you've been with someone for a while. They have never experienced True Love and only until they do, will they understand.
I have only been with him three weeks total, in my life. I don't regularly talk to him, for reasons of his own. My friends tell me I'm in over my head, or obsessed. But they just fall into the category of the unexperienced. I do not speak out of arrogance or pride, just out of a matter of fact. I feel something for him, I've never felt before.
Forget the lust, sure it's there, but the feelings run deeper. They're feelings of sacrifice, patience, grace, peace, and LOVE, true, deep, penetrating love.
When I do think about him, I get weak in the knees, sick to my stomach, and dizzy in the head, but its because I know there's something special about him. No one compares and no one ever will. He is my True Love and it will take a miracle of God to change that.
My Darling "Carl",
I miss you.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
I'll Just Live Like I Always Have.
The feeling of deep pain and hurt, pure joy and peace, and total and complete emptiness have permeated so throughly, these past few months. Some would say "you're just young, your emotions have the upper hand." Others might comment that I don't know what I want or that I can't make up my mind, but I have been pushed and pushed until my frail heart breaks and breaks again, and it causes me to wonder if I'm all alone in this world.
And from what I've learned, the words of people are equivalent to dust in the wind. Their not looking to help you, their looking to advise you. Their not wanting to comfort you, their just looking to glorify their own intelligence because the opinions of others is what "truly matters the most."
Sure, people have their pains, we all do. However the fact is, is that we have no clue how to begin handling these pains. We resort to what we perceive is best without considering their feelings, and instead react off of their emotions. We draw from what we know, why wouldn't we? Of course we would, because that's all we "know", but we're not the only ones walking around this earth. We know much more then what happens past our own noses, but since it does not DIRECTLY apply to us, we excuse it, claiming we never knew it in the first place.
For these reasons, I hate humanity. But isn't that hypocrisy? I'm human, aren't I? I have no right to judge, and I won't. But sometimes the lack of feasible reality is absurd. Don't people realize there's more to life then themselves? That there's more to life then their 14,000 square foot houses, Benzes and Ferraris, and SURELY life isn't all about little league and the next big promotion?
I am and never will be content with what I have. I live under the influence of a materialistic world that will never give me the privilege to know what it feels like to be truly blessed. The feeling of joy, grace, and love only comes from the One who dished it out in the beginning, but I will continue to live without these feelings unless I let go of the things I think I want and welcome the things I need. Then, I can allow every good thing into my life, but instead I will sit here and let my in-content, anger, and want for change bog me down. Therefore leaving me as the rest of humanity- just another person with "my pains and my problems."
And from what I've learned, the words of people are equivalent to dust in the wind. Their not looking to help you, their looking to advise you. Their not wanting to comfort you, their just looking to glorify their own intelligence because the opinions of others is what "truly matters the most."
Sure, people have their pains, we all do. However the fact is, is that we have no clue how to begin handling these pains. We resort to what we perceive is best without considering their feelings, and instead react off of their emotions. We draw from what we know, why wouldn't we? Of course we would, because that's all we "know", but we're not the only ones walking around this earth. We know much more then what happens past our own noses, but since it does not DIRECTLY apply to us, we excuse it, claiming we never knew it in the first place.
For these reasons, I hate humanity. But isn't that hypocrisy? I'm human, aren't I? I have no right to judge, and I won't. But sometimes the lack of feasible reality is absurd. Don't people realize there's more to life then themselves? That there's more to life then their 14,000 square foot houses, Benzes and Ferraris, and SURELY life isn't all about little league and the next big promotion?
I am and never will be content with what I have. I live under the influence of a materialistic world that will never give me the privilege to know what it feels like to be truly blessed. The feeling of joy, grace, and love only comes from the One who dished it out in the beginning, but I will continue to live without these feelings unless I let go of the things I think I want and welcome the things I need. Then, I can allow every good thing into my life, but instead I will sit here and let my in-content, anger, and want for change bog me down. Therefore leaving me as the rest of humanity- just another person with "my pains and my problems."
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